8 years.

Sep. 13th, 2012 10:43 pm
[personal profile] estrellada
My father died 8 years ago today. In some ways it was sudden. In some ways, it was after a decade of waiting.

Grief is holographic - it feels like each loss builds on each other, strike any edge and the tone echos through the whole structure.

Grief has been stalking me a lot the past couple of years. I lost Guin, I feel like I've witnesses and held space for many losses, tho I could not call them to mind readily. I worked in the senior's residence, and we lost a couple folks while I lived there. My co-worker, who I feel I'm developing a friendship with, is still in an acute (tho hidden) stage of grief. There are so many memorial posters around my work, for folks who pass in the DTES.

I wonder, what is it about loss that I need to explore more? Why is this dogging me?

My birth siblings are both moving far away - my little sister to Montreal, my big brother to Ft. St. John.

Yesterday I realized that the relationship I just ended - 2.5 years long - is significantly longer than any of the other relationships I'd been in - and ended - in 7 years.

I have more to say, but not about this. Maybe I just need to sit with this - I am a woman who no longer has a father, who has not had a father for a long time. I am a woman who has more shifting ties to friends than she does her biological family. I am a woman who lives with grief and loss, and moves on through the world. However, I feel that there's a piece I still need to learn.
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